Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Sorry for the extended silence

Wel it has been far too long since my last post. I have many time thought, even planned, on writing something sooner but obviously that never happened. Sure, getting caught up with summer vacation was a factor, and the process of getting back into a routine afterwards, but I cannot say that was the sole reason. As I have stated previously, one of my main intentions for this blog was to represent the entire journey of the protocol, not just the success at the end. My previous posts have covered some of the challenges and complications. I think it’s fair and accurate to say the protocol is difficult and tricky. There is a fine balance between PTH, vitamin d, and calcium. There are others as well, but that seems to be the big three. Those three are in addition to the already present challenges due to the condition. I cannot say that it is true for all, but it does seem that there are others in a similar situation. The protocol requires consuming 2.5 L of water, everyday, which would be challenging for most, but is compounded by the loss of bodily functions due to the disease. In addition, a substantial amount of elemental magnesium is necessary, which can negatively impact bowel control.

This disease takes away memory, strength, mobility and replaces it with pain and discomfort. I think it’s very difficult, more like impossible, for someone without MS to fully understand extent of the continuous pain. The pain combined with the quantity of water makes for less than enjoyable nights. Despite sleeping, going to bed at a reasonable hour, to wake almost as tired as the previous day. To roll out of bed knowing that this day will be draining physically and emotionally once again. Not wanting to open up and share with those around you, thinking “What’s the point?” or not wanting to feel like you are burdening others with your problem...a problem with no solution. It’s a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy: not sharing with those around that want to hear, listen, support and at the same time feeling forgotten, alone.  In a previous post I stated one loses hope with MS. I understand the need to open up and include those around me to help combat that feeling. Unfortunately, its not that easy when it feels that everything is just one problem, one challenge after another. Feeling like it might just be easier, better for all, if I just keep these things to myself, so that way only I have to deal with them.

I want to feel as if I am not alone in dealing with this condition, yet somehow I am reluctant to include others, open up and share all of the trials and tribulations. I suppose partially because I feel it will seem like I am constantly complaining. Another aspect is believing that if those around me really knew the whole picture, they might feel the need to feel pity. Even more troubling is the possibility of making sad those around me because there is really nothing that can be done currently. It feels as if that would cause the sadness to expand unnecessarily.

I want to be part of the solution, not the problem. Hopefully this blog, the protocol can prove to be the solution for me and hopefully many others...